Before we go further into exploring the Buddhist psychology, I would like to dwell a bit longer in the topic of the mental world, nama.

The mental world is elusive, it is not tangible. Many would say that the world is like a dream. What they really meant was that the mental world is like a dream. In what way is the mental world like a dream?

Dreams are enactments in our minds, so is our mental world. This enactment is very personal and private. We may share it with others, by describing it, drawing it, or even use sophisticated multimedia tools such as Microsoft Powerpoint and movies to present it. However no matter how we share it, it is never quite the same as what was manifested in our minds. What was in our mental world, cannot be exactly transmitted to another’s mental world. Our mental world is this personal and private to us.

It is so private that sometimes we feel lonely. It is as if the whole world cannot understand us. This is true that the world would never exactly understand us, especially if our communication skills are poor, or if we do not attempt to communicate at all. This sometimes brings a lot of frustration – the inability to express ourselves into other’s mind, and the inability to comprehend other’s mind. Hence we feel joy when we meet anyone whom seems to share the same mentality as us. When two persons have the same mentality, communication is so simple. A word or a phrase can immediately transmit millions of mental worlds. One feels the joy of non-loneliness as our mental world finally finds a companion. In actual fact, the mental worlds are still distinct and the re-enactments are still different, but it just feels close enough for the time being.

Such individuality and privacy can be good and bad. For the good side, many people are glad that they can enjoy the privacy of their own mental worlds. Due to our bad karma accumulated since countless rebirths, we have many unwholesome thoughts each day. It is embarrassing if everyone else can see it. Furthermore, sometimes we would like to reserve our thoughts from untrustworthy people, and to protect our mental worlds from potentially unwholesome influence. Hence the individuality and privacy allows us a basic means of protection, quarantine and modesty.

The disadvantage of individuality and privacy however is very great and significant. Due to this privacy, we are each the ultimate one responsible for our own mental health. Although others can help and guide us, no one else can do it for us. For example, friends and relatives may generate an encouraging environment for us to make the change into a better person. However the change achieved in this way, is only conditional. It is a good first step towards complete change, but it is not the ultimate stage of change. One day, we must gather enough strength to motivate change by ourselves. This is still not enough. Finally we must gain enough strength not to reverse the change even when conditions are extremely unfavorable. Only at this stage, is change ultimate and becomes unconditional. The practice of the five precepts requires such determination, and so is the cultivation of the six perfections (or Paramitas).

There is however a simple remedy for the disadvantage of individuality of our mental world. Although our mental world is isolated from others, we can control our degree of openness to others. When one’s mind is open, it is easy for one to receive help in maintaining one’s mental health. When one’s mind is closed, it is difficult for one to receive help in maintaining one’s mental health. An open mind has less attachment to its mental world. It is brave enough to try alternative mental worlds shared by others. When others do offer a better mental world, it is ‘open’ enough to adopt it. A closed mind is completely attached to its mental world. It suffers from a lack of self-confidence. Thus it completely shuts out any alternative mental worlds shared by others. It either does not believe that other mental worlds could be better, or does not have the confidence to let go of the present one. Thus when one has a closed mind and suffers from bad mental health, no one can even get close to helping one.

As an illustration of how bad things can go, due to the isolation of the mental world coupled with a closed minded attitude, let us explore the phenomenon of infatuation.

Infatuation starts when one over-beautifies the re-enactment in one’s mind, often on a target. Very often, this target is someone whom one has a crush on. However this is not the only form of infatuation. One can also be infatuated with a certain object (e.g. a new house on sale), a certain place (e.g. a particular vacation place), a certain lifestyle (e.g. a carefree lifestyle which one experienced in the past), a certain status (e.g. a status that gives fame and power), or even a certain concept (e.g. a blind faith).

The over-beautification of the re-enactment draws out one’s craving. After craving finds a good platform to nurture upon, it closes one’s mind as best as it can for its own survival. Hence when one is infatuated, one’s mind is usually closed. The craving would also generate tons of rationale to hide itself. These tons of rationale make one very defensive towards the attainment of the target. Due to such defensiveness, it will soon become pretty apparent to all those around one, that one is suffering from infatuation.

All those around one would usually try to pull one out of one’s infatuation. Very often it fails, depending on how closed one’s mind is. One’s craving energy does not stop there. It then manifests into many forms. For example it can manifest as anger whenever any tries to pull one out of the infatuation. If such anger is yielded to, one not only feeds one’s anger energy, one also feeds the craving energy behind the infatuation. The craving can also manifest as restlessness, spurring one into action towards possessing the infatuation target. The actions are strongly influenced by craving and restlessness, hence it usually has little wisdom, or has strong ignorance. When such actions are yielded to, one not only feeds one’s ignorance energy, but also one’s restlessness energy and the craving energy behind the infatuation. The craving also manifests as ignorance, as one’s mind becomes trapped in the duality of "to have or not to have" and "to be or not to be". The more one thinks about this duality, the more energy this duality has over one’s mind. Eventually one’s mind cannot think of anything else, except this duality. Similar to the above cases, this duality energy also feeds the ignorance energy and the craving energy behind the infatuation.

Hence during most time of the day, the craving manifests in various forms and it is fed with more energy every time one yields to the urges. This is why infatuation can grow very quickly and into very strong cravings. It is like a wild fire, burning and draining away one’s life force. The only way out of this infatuation spiral, is to jump out of the duality. Many who are infatuated may see this exit, but few of them can find enough strength or be momentarily rational enough to use it.

Due to the privacy of one’s mental world, one has to use this exit by oneself. Everyone else could show one the exit, and encourage one to use it. However no one else could use the exit on one’s behalf. To make things worse, one usually denies that one is infatuated. One could list all the ‘bad’ points of what one is supposedly infatuated in, and say, "See, I am not over-beautifying the target." But the symptom of infatuation is not over-beautification. Over-beautification is the cause of infatuation. Once infatuation has started, it feeds on the energy of craving, anger and ignorance. It no longer needs over-beautification as fuel or seed. Thus the symptoms of infatuation is something else. Some of the symptoms are:

1. The idea of ‘I’ and ‘my’, that is the concept of self, is especially apparent in the victim.
2. The victim believes that one’s happiness is completely dependent on the possession or attainment of the target.
3. The victim believes that there are no viable alternatives.
4. The victim believes that life becomes meaningless if the opposite duality of "not to have" or "not to be" occurs.
5. The victim thinks about "to have or not to have" all day.
6. The victim appears stressed.

These are only some of the symptoms but not all. Hence one may have all these symptoms and yet is not infatuated. Nonetheless these symptoms act as danger warnings. When one suffers from such symptoms, one should be especially alert and mindful. During such times, it helps to be open minded just in case.

Alas, in a way, everyone is infatuated to some extend. However this does not mean infatuation is not dangerous. Civilizations can be wiped out due to someone’s infatuation. By maintaining a good mental health, we hope our infatuations would not spiral out of control. Meanwhile, we can work on reducing our cravings, so that infatuation and its sufferings can be ended.

After emphasizing on the privacy and individuality of one’s mental world, we now explore the opposite aspect, that is the interdependence of each’s mental world. The mental world nama is after all, a reaction to the physical world rupa. Hence through rupa, all nama are interdependent. When a physical phenomenon occurs, it conditions the arise and fall of mental phenomenon in beings. Beings have different seeds, thus each experiences different mental phenomenon. However despite the differences in mental phenomenon, they are connected by the physical phenomenon condition.

For example suppose a rain falls after a drought. The rain is the physical phenomenon. It is external to our mental world. However, it induces a lot of happiness in everyone’s mental world. Due to different seeds in different people, the degree of happiness is different. Some may be extremely happy, some neutral, and some may even be unhappy. Nonetheless, the arise and fall of each’s mental world, is interdependent through the rain phenomenon.

Furthermore, each’s mental phenomenon conditions the arise and fall of physical phenomena. The world has different seeds in different space and time, thus each physical phenomenon actualized is different. However despite the differences in physical phenomena, they are connected by the mental phenomenon condition.

For example, the celebration of New Year Day is in everyone’s mind. On that day, everyone spends time with one’s families, wishes each others well, and tries to be happy and joyful. Due to the different constructs of different societies, the New Year Day is celebrated differently. Some may have fireworks at night, some may have parades and dances, and some may simple be a quiet day to be spent at home. Despite the differences in physical phenomena, they are connected by the wish-to-celebrate mental phenomena.

This cycles infinitely. The rupa conditions and induces the arise of nama, and the nama conditions and induces the arise of rupa. Although the nama world is private, the rupa world is common. Hence after many cycles, some degree of synchronization of nama would occur. This synchronization creates the common culture and beliefs of each society. Through this synchronization of nama, and the common rupa, thus also arises the common kamma of each societies.

Thus though one’s mental world is completely private, it bears interdependence with other mental worlds around one. They can influence each other through rupa.

Although nama is private, there is a way where we can more deeply ‘listen’, or to make a connection, to the mental world of someone else. This way is called deep listening.

Deep listening is a conscious attempt by the listener to listen into the mental world of the speaker. As mentioned above, the mental world consists of concepts, feelings, experience and mental formations. Words spoken from the speaker usually only portray concepts at best. In fact, most of the time, words cannot even accurately portray the speaker’s concepts, or what the speaker is really concerned about. Meanwhile as we listen to words, the words get re-enacted into concepts in our minds. Very often we then become too quick in reacting to these concepts. If the words agree with our concepts, then our ego takes over and masks the rest of the words. If the words disagree with our concepts, then our ego also takes over and we become very protective of our stand.

Hence deep listening is done by not judging what we hear. The listener does not interrupt the speaker, the listener listens and tries his or her best to empathize with the speaker. It is like patiently watching a painter paints a picture. The painter takes his time and occasionally paints at different corners of the portrait. The listener does not attempt to jump to any conclusion nor have any expectation of what the final picture would be like. The listener simply watches and listens to whatever the speaker would like to say.

This is a training in open mindedness, which yields much benefit to one who practices deep listening. It is also a training in tolerance and patience, which is one of the six perfections. More importantly and immediately is that one thus manages to listen with the heart instead of with the head. The difference between the heart and the head will be elaborated in later chapters, here it suffices to say that the heart is the deeper part of nama.

When we are able to go beyond the concepts layer of the speaker, we would hear the much deeper parts of the speaker’s mental world, such as feelings, experience and mental formations. Why is this so? Nama conditions the arise of rupa in the speaker. This manifests as various body postures, expressions and sounds, commonly called the body language. When concepts do not distract us, all these signals can re-enacted a nama in our minds. We can feel the same emotions as the speaker, and experience even the same mental states. Thus we manage to achieve a nama link with the speaker. This nama link conveys more messages to us than the rupa link. We can sense the distress of the speaker, or the fear, or the happiness, or the sadness. All these cannot be easily conveyed through words. In fact sometimes the speaker could be telling one thing, but the actual concern of the speaker could be another. For example the speaker could be grumbling about the presents he received, while he is really feeling happy in his mind. If we are caught by words and concepts, we may receive the wrong message.

It is only by freeing the mind from concepts, that we can attain this higher level of understanding and connection. Deep listening is like mindfulness meditation. By not reacting, we also ‘radiate’ the energy of non-reaction. Thus when we do not react to the speaker, we also ‘radiate’ a non-judgement and calming effect to the speaker. If the speaker is in distress, he or she may feel our calmness and be pacified as well. This will reduce the suffering of the speaker. As we continue to deep-listen, the speaker can get to enjoy non-fear, because the speaker finally finds a vessel deep enough to contain all his or her troubles. If we reacted with intellect instead, sometimes we feed into the duality energy of the speaker and make him or her more agitated. This does not reduce the suffering of the speaker.

Thus the gift of deep listening is the gift of non-fear.

This chapter brings out the point that nama is isolated but yet interdependent. It has two conclusions. Firstly it is important for us to take our mental health seriously, because we are ultimately the only ones who can do something about our mental health. Secondly it is important for us to listen to others deeply in order to make connections with others and understand them more deeply. The mindfulness meditation helps in both aspects.

We start our mindfulness meditation by calming down our body. After one has calmed down one’s body and become mindful of one’s breath, one would also become aware of one’s (brain) thoughts. These thoughts arise and fall. As long as we do not engage in the thoughts, they do not carry momentum nor gain energy. Thus they fall quickly. We can use our breath as an attention focus to prevent us from engaging the thoughts. When thoughts arise, we take note of the thought, and immediately let go of the thought. Then the thought would fall away. When emotions arise, we take note of the emotion, and immediately let go of the emotion. Then the emotion would also fall away. In this way, our minds become undisturbed by stray thoughts and emotions. Thus our minds become calmer.

This is a practice of non-judgement, which is crucial in deep-listening. In order to be able to deep-listen to others, we must first be able to deep-listen to ourselves. Our mind is always ‘speaking’, either by concepts, feelings, experience or mental formations. How often did we stop at the concepts layer and turn a deaf ear to the rest of the deeper layers? By practicing non-judgement conscientiously, we regain our free will of to judge or not to judge, and to react or not to react. We become more in control of our lives, and we are one step closer towards understanding the true nature of all phenomena.

Non-judgement was exercised during the mindfulness meditation. After the meditation, it is a good time for one to reflect on one’s emotions that arose during meditation. Is one full of craving? Is one full of anger? Is one full of concepts? What could all these emotions be aroused by? One also reflects on one’s stray thoughts. Stray thoughts arise because they are the foremost concerns in one’s mind at the moment. What is one’s foremost concern now? Is what one most concerned about related to some form of duality? Is one trapped in some form of duality? What is the advice from friends and relatives? Is one open minded about them? If one is not open minded, then what is one’s fear that prevents one from being open minded? How can one jump out of such duality?

This is a way of self-diagnosis. Not all the questions above have an immediate answer. However by simply putting forth these questions, one moves towards the direction of solving them, or jumping out of one’s duality. This is also a way to help one keep in touch with one’s prevalent emotions. If one is full of unwholesome emotions, then one should try to provide favorable conditions for oneself so that one has less unwholesome emotions. If one has wholesome emotions, then one could rejoice in them so as to re-enforce such wholesome emotions.

Like bodily health, mental health needs constant maintenance. Just as in order to have a healthy body, we should keep away from poisonous foods, similarly in order to have a healthy mind, we should keep away from poisonous concepts. The five precepts, also called the five mindfulness trainings, is a good place to start. One could also keep away from unhealthy reading material, movies, songs and speeches. Just as healthy food helps in a healthy body, healthy reading material such as the sutras and Dharma also helps in a healthy mind. Just as exercises keep the body healthy, an open and flexible minded attitude also keeps the mind healthy. Just as regular check up with the doctor is good for one’s bodily health, regular mindfulness meditation aided by deep-listening, and the post meditation self-reflection are good for one’s mental health.